I am writing this comment not immediately after playing Blunt Soul Trauma - that'll be relevant for the rest of the comment.
This will start out with a bit of critique but it will get better in the next paragraph :3 I have to admit that on my initial reading, I wasn't that engaged by the story. I think the biggest gripe I had was that Ferida's agency and tension was fairly low. Textually that is because of her being drugged out of her mind, but then I didn't really learn why it is necessary she be so sedated? Just having trauma happen at a character without larger implications can feel flat, especially if we never get to those delayed consequences. And with the stakes being literal divinity, "it's just less annoying if Ferida is freaking out" seems unsatisfactory - especially when Haydee compensates her for her "cooperation" at the end of the story. I wish we could've gained more insights into Haydee's psyche and why she treats Ferida the way she does. Ferida is so lighthearted about things - comparatively speaking. Quipping about her favorite jacket and taxi money not even 10 minutes after awakening from unconciousness because she was thrown head-first into Alexis' soul. That created tonal dissonance and made it very difficult to place the dynamic on the spectrum of very bad [kidnapping + drugging] and mutually respectful [pleroma payment + Ferida's inner thoughts on having respect to leave Haydee and Alexis alone]
Textually I'd have edited way differently but if that makes you go "actually stfu this is my creative vision and it works because [insert thoughts]" I positively invite you to chat about it because our approaches are so different. (DM me if you want because lmao itch comment section would be fucked) Anyways, that is not the end of the comment
...Blunt Soul Trauma is so fucking cool to talk about. I always tell close friends about visual novels I play and my thoughts on them, sometimes they also play them. And very very few achieve the level of creating conversation about themes like this visual novel. Talking about divinity and doing something for your lover and the questions of how good of a person Haydee actually is is so ddfhgbjjdf
You leave many blanks about Haydee's and Alexis' relationship that in my mind become so fucking horrifying and betraying and that's a visceral feeling to have creep up in the back while we are bound to Ferida as the POV character. The themes that you touch on with Blunt Soul Trauma aren't that widely explored I feel like, especially the emulated divinity aspect?? hello??
So sick
And while I did start out negatively, I also want to commend your writing in places :3
You are really good at worldbuilding. The sheer trauma and violence required for consecration was really powerful. Additionally, I found the absolute horror of the process inside the pod incredibly intriguing and a part of me wishes there was more on that front, but on the other hand it also works incredibly well aready. The quick view at Alexis taking form was easily a standout moment! It was a type of snappy horror that many authors fail at because they linger too long without allowing the reader to have the horror spin away into their own interpretation. There is so much implied body horror going on here that makes me go absolutely feral djfhgjdf
Also, your character design skills are sick. There's so much going on with Haydee that just makes me intrigued how you'll interpret literally any other character in your future work!
So to conclude, I think Blunt Soul Trauma is really cool. The text itself has stylistic choices that I'd have tackled differently. But I have confidence in you being a good writer, so I do genuinely wanna know what inspires your working process. And as a cultural artifact, I am really really that this visual novel exists in my life <3
You have no idea how happy it made me to read your comment, especially the concrit parts, because that's the good stuff, the shit I need to improve.
Now, though I will say that some of the stuff you mentioned was by design, such as the very casual feeling of it all and Ferida's apparent aloofness (I kinda wanted to go with a flavor of trauma that sneaks up on you a while after it happens, and it just happens to fit Ferida's personality and how jaded she is) a lot of the other stuff you said definitely wasn't my intention. I always want to know how others see my work, how they perceived it because from all of it I'm starting to see some similarities that point toward persistent weaknesses in my writing that I need to work on.
It's not the first time I've been told I focus too much on a concept, on worldbuilding and sometimes let the feel/vibes of some scenes weaken as a result. Same with character interactions, those two are a big weakness of mine. I would be extremely interested in reading how you would've personally handled those problems, because giving up plot tightness in exchange for scope and concept is something I've fallen prey of more times than I could count.
Other than that, I'm very happy that the rest of the game resonated with you, even if it's mostly in the themes it presents and the ideas and stuff. I'll admit the VN was first born from that, so it makes sense it's the strongest part.
Again, thank you so much for giving me your honest thoughts, I always feel like writing a story like this is a balancing act I'm never doing 100% right, so it's very important to know where I fall short.
This was so beautiful to read! I loved all the metaphors, imagery, and– omg the worldbuilding?? but not to mention the characters. The way we were still able to see Haydee’s “unconditional love” despite the short time we got to spend with her. I don’t think I ever related to all of the characters in a vn so much before ^^
Thank you so much for making this 💖
This was fascinating! You picked great assets to use, and you work with them very efficiently. The elements that you created directly (I imagine?) do a lot, too: the 'halo' behind Haydee immediately intrigued me, for instance, and it was very cool to see the script offer a couple of lines to contextualise it, and then see it used later to tell us about Haydee's state of mind. (If mind is even the right word for talking about angels, &c &c.)
I wasn't quite sure about the phrase 'twain ropes' (definitely not 'twin ropes'?); I suspect 'a shit pay' would be better as either 'a shit salary', or 'a shit paycheck' (in NA spelling), or just 'shit pay'; and in one line, 'It's shell' probably ought to read 'Its shell'. But those are the most minor of nitpicks, and I am mentioning them because there weren't any larger issues. Overall I thought this read very well, with some lovely uses of language that sketched in an engaging, unsettling background to the story.
Narratively, it was also neat to read a VN in this game jam that gives us a third person's glimpse of a relationship rather than placing the point-of-view character's own romantic relationship(s) at the front of our attention. That aspect also makes this function powerfully as a self-contained short story, which is sensible scoping for a time-limited jam, as well…
It really means a lot to hear you liked this, being such an amazing writer yourself! This game came about half because I had a concept and a character design in mind, and half because I've always been terrible at constructing a short, satisfying narrative (often going more for longer and expansive casts like in DDD) so this was a way for me to challenge myself and try to make something compact, with fewer sprites and assets. I'm very glad it worked for the most part!
And thank you for pointing out those errors, I always fail at catching all of them. And yes, I wanted to write it from the POV of Ferida because I thought it was necessary for the exposition to work well, and also because I find it funny when people are forcibly brought into other people's couple problems.
This was really cool and well written! I love the way you depict divinity here, and the process of becoming divine is so fascinating. The way in which we explore Alexis' psyche, hear Ferida's thoughts and come to realize where that comes from... you've made such an interesting world!
this is sososososo amazing!!!! i loved playing this, all of the worldbuilding is impeccable (and really inspiring for a humans-becoming-angels/fallen angels thing i'm writing, i'm chewing on this a lot) and i adore how you did foreshadowing to the later events of the story. alexis is also such a sadly relatable character to me tbh and the soul-merging sequence is such a sweet and sad climax. feeling bad for her, and then realizing we were feeling her, and getting the time to sit with it and with ferida's own feelings. its done extremely uniquely, i am genuinely crazily *such* a big fan of the artistry here. i only wish i couldve gotten even more time with them <3
yayayayayyyy this makes me incredibly happy to read. There were times where I really wasn't sure where I personally was going with the story, so I'm so glad it ended up resonating with people and achieving its purpose in a way.
i loved this. absolutely fantastic. im at a loss for anything insightful to say but, uh, really really good. i don't think i'll ever be able to forget it.
Finishing the game, I screenshot the different passages that show up during the titular Blunt Soul Trauma. The act of comprehending what was wrong with Alexis felt perverted. It put me in the shoes of Ferida and maybe even Haydee to some extent. But after attempting to machine translate some of them, I had realized it was more ambiguous than I realized.
The ritual involving souls unnerved me on a personal level. But with this little experiment, I'd wondered if my efforts to "forgive" or "understand" Alexis was the intentional effect. One would try to make sure they aren't blindly loving an actual criminal. But another would probably want to understand how they got to this point.
Aside from all of that, the world implied outside of the story is really interesting. There's a lot to infer about angels, from how their corpse decomposes to their halos. It played a massive factor in getting me invested in this angel's intentions (while they put Ferida in the human's intestines).
Your comment really made my day! I'm always happy to hear people's interpretations of what I write, and your way of seeing Alexis and the soul merging is very on point and interesting. I'm glad you enjoyed the game and got out of it what I intended, and also that you liked the worldbuilding :D
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I am writing this comment not immediately after playing Blunt Soul Trauma - that'll be relevant for the rest of the comment.
This will start out with a bit of critique but it will get better in the next paragraph :3 I have to admit that on my initial reading, I wasn't that engaged by the story. I think the biggest gripe I had was that Ferida's agency and tension was fairly low. Textually that is because of her being drugged out of her mind, but then I didn't really learn why it is necessary she be so sedated? Just having trauma happen at a character without larger implications can feel flat, especially if we never get to those delayed consequences. And with the stakes being literal divinity, "it's just less annoying if Ferida is freaking out" seems unsatisfactory - especially when Haydee compensates her for her "cooperation" at the end of the story. I wish we could've gained more insights into Haydee's psyche and why she treats Ferida the way she does. Ferida is so lighthearted about things - comparatively speaking. Quipping about her favorite jacket and taxi money not even 10 minutes after awakening from unconciousness because she was thrown head-first into Alexis' soul. That created tonal dissonance and made it very difficult to place the dynamic on the spectrum of very bad [kidnapping + drugging] and mutually respectful [pleroma payment + Ferida's inner thoughts on having respect to leave Haydee and Alexis alone]
Textually I'd have edited way differently but if that makes you go "actually stfu this is my creative vision and it works because [insert thoughts]" I positively invite you to chat about it because our approaches are so different. (DM me if you want because lmao itch comment section would be fucked) Anyways, that is not the end of the comment
...Blunt Soul Trauma is so fucking cool to talk about. I always tell close friends about visual novels I play and my thoughts on them, sometimes they also play them. And very very few achieve the level of creating conversation about themes like this visual novel. Talking about divinity and doing something for your lover and the questions of how good of a person Haydee actually is is so ddfhgbjjdf
You leave many blanks about Haydee's and Alexis' relationship that in my mind become so fucking horrifying and betraying and that's a visceral feeling to have creep up in the back while we are bound to Ferida as the POV character. The themes that you touch on with Blunt Soul Trauma aren't that widely explored I feel like, especially the emulated divinity aspect?? hello??
So sick
And while I did start out negatively, I also want to commend your writing in places :3
You are really good at worldbuilding. The sheer trauma and violence required for consecration was really powerful. Additionally, I found the absolute horror of the process inside the pod incredibly intriguing and a part of me wishes there was more on that front, but on the other hand it also works incredibly well aready. The quick view at Alexis taking form was easily a standout moment! It was a type of snappy horror that many authors fail at because they linger too long without allowing the reader to have the horror spin away into their own interpretation. There is so much implied body horror going on here that makes me go absolutely feral djfhgjdf
Also, your character design skills are sick. There's so much going on with Haydee that just makes me intrigued how you'll interpret literally any other character in your future work!
So to conclude, I think Blunt Soul Trauma is really cool. The text itself has stylistic choices that I'd have tackled differently. But I have confidence in you being a good writer, so I do genuinely wanna know what inspires your working process. And as a cultural artifact, I am really really that this visual novel exists in my life <3
You have no idea how happy it made me to read your comment, especially the concrit parts, because that's the good stuff, the shit I need to improve.
Now, though I will say that some of the stuff you mentioned was by design, such as the very casual feeling of it all and Ferida's apparent aloofness (I kinda wanted to go with a flavor of trauma that sneaks up on you a while after it happens, and it just happens to fit Ferida's personality and how jaded she is) a lot of the other stuff you said definitely wasn't my intention. I always want to know how others see my work, how they perceived it because from all of it I'm starting to see some similarities that point toward persistent weaknesses in my writing that I need to work on.
It's not the first time I've been told I focus too much on a concept, on worldbuilding and sometimes let the feel/vibes of some scenes weaken as a result. Same with character interactions, those two are a big weakness of mine. I would be extremely interested in reading how you would've personally handled those problems, because giving up plot tightness in exchange for scope and concept is something I've fallen prey of more times than I could count.
Other than that, I'm very happy that the rest of the game resonated with you, even if it's mostly in the themes it presents and the ideas and stuff. I'll admit the VN was first born from that, so it makes sense it's the strongest part.
Again, thank you so much for giving me your honest thoughts, I always feel like writing a story like this is a balancing act I'm never doing 100% right, so it's very important to know where I fall short.
This was so beautiful to read! I loved all the metaphors, imagery, and– omg the worldbuilding?? but not to mention the characters. The way we were still able to see Haydee’s “unconditional love” despite the short time we got to spend with her. I don’t think I ever related to all of the characters in a vn so much before ^^ Thank you so much for making this 💖
Thank you very kindly! So many people have commented, it makes me incredibly happy to see people receiving my game well :D
This was fascinating! You picked great assets to use, and you work with them very efficiently. The elements that you created directly (I imagine?) do a lot, too: the 'halo' behind Haydee immediately intrigued me, for instance, and it was very cool to see the script offer a couple of lines to contextualise it, and then see it used later to tell us about Haydee's state of mind. (If mind is even the right word for talking about angels, &c &c.)
I wasn't quite sure about the phrase 'twain ropes' (definitely not 'twin ropes'?); I suspect 'a shit pay' would be better as either 'a shit salary', or 'a shit paycheck' (in NA spelling), or just 'shit pay'; and in one line, 'It's shell' probably ought to read 'Its shell'. But those are the most minor of nitpicks, and I am mentioning them because there weren't any larger issues. Overall I thought this read very well, with some lovely uses of language that sketched in an engaging, unsettling background to the story.
Narratively, it was also neat to read a VN in this game jam that gives us a third person's glimpse of a relationship rather than placing the point-of-view character's own romantic relationship(s) at the front of our attention. That aspect also makes this function powerfully as a self-contained short story, which is sensible scoping for a time-limited jam, as well…
It really means a lot to hear you liked this, being such an amazing writer yourself! This game came about half because I had a concept and a character design in mind, and half because I've always been terrible at constructing a short, satisfying narrative (often going more for longer and expansive casts like in DDD) so this was a way for me to challenge myself and try to make something compact, with fewer sprites and assets. I'm very glad it worked for the most part!
And thank you for pointing out those errors, I always fail at catching all of them. And yes, I wanted to write it from the POV of Ferida because I thought it was necessary for the exposition to work well, and also because I find it funny when people are forcibly brought into other people's couple problems.
Thank you so much for playing and commenting!!
This was really cool and well written! I love the way you depict divinity here, and the process of becoming divine is so fascinating. The way in which we explore Alexis' psyche, hear Ferida's thoughts and come to realize where that comes from... you've made such an interesting world!
Thank you so much!!! I'm glad that's the part that stuck out, because it's where I put most of my effort into hehe.
this is sososososo amazing!!!! i loved playing this, all of the worldbuilding is impeccable (and really inspiring for a humans-becoming-angels/fallen angels thing i'm writing, i'm chewing on this a lot) and i adore how you did foreshadowing to the later events of the story. alexis is also such a sadly relatable character to me tbh and the soul-merging sequence is such a sweet and sad climax. feeling bad for her, and then realizing we were feeling her, and getting the time to sit with it and with ferida's own feelings. its done extremely uniquely, i am genuinely crazily *such* a big fan of the artistry here. i only wish i couldve gotten even more time with them <3
yayayayayyyy this makes me incredibly happy to read. There were times where I really wasn't sure where I personally was going with the story, so I'm so glad it ended up resonating with people and achieving its purpose in a way.
thank you so so much!!!! This means a lot
i loved this. absolutely fantastic. im at a loss for anything insightful to say but, uh, really really good. i don't think i'll ever be able to forget it.
yayyyy thanks so much for playing!! It means a lot that you liked the game considering how good yours is!!
awaaa ty >w< n it meant a lot tht you liked mine too you're really really talented!!!!!!!! this games been on the mind real heavy the last 24 hours
Finishing the game, I screenshot the different passages that show up during the titular Blunt Soul Trauma. The act of comprehending what was wrong with Alexis felt perverted. It put me in the shoes of Ferida and maybe even Haydee to some extent. But after attempting to machine translate some of them, I had realized it was more ambiguous than I realized.
The ritual involving souls unnerved me on a personal level. But with this little experiment, I'd wondered if my efforts to "forgive" or "understand" Alexis was the intentional effect. One would try to make sure they aren't blindly loving an actual criminal. But another would probably want to understand how they got to this point.
Aside from all of that, the world implied outside of the story is really interesting. There's a lot to infer about angels, from how their corpse decomposes to their halos. It played a massive factor in getting me invested in this angel's intentions (while they put Ferida in the human's intestines).
Your comment really made my day! I'm always happy to hear people's interpretations of what I write, and your way of seeing Alexis and the soul merging is very on point and interesting. I'm glad you enjoyed the game and got out of it what I intended, and also that you liked the worldbuilding :D
Thank you so much!!!
Absolutely loved this game—10/10 experience
Thank you so much!!! I watched your video and I really appreciate your thoughts and your reactions, even if this is a pretty weird game haha.
You're welcome. The weirder the better and more interesting it is. It's a pretty cool/fun game :)